An open letter to all car manufacturers

Dear car manufacturers,

Greetings from the Philippines! I’m one of those drivers whose daily commute has either brought me more wrinkles on my forehead (plus the accompanying white hairs) or, luckily, brilliant ideas about how I could help you decide on what to do for your next car models. I’m presenting here a list of those modifications that best fit the Filipinos’ driving styles and the country’s road conditions. Here are the parts that you should take out of the 2010 models as we really don’t find any use for each one:

Seat belts. We hate it. It restricts our movement and wrinkles our well-pressed working clothes. It also has this annoying vibrating sound whenever we pass by bumpy roads. Moreover, we use it only when we reach the toll gates or if we are apprehended by our professional policemen.

Side mirrors. The only people who find this useful are those outside our cars. It’s either they pick their noses when they pass by it or they pry it out for good just to be sold elsewhere and to unsuspecting buyers who may even be its original owner in the first place.

Rearview mirror. We drivers don’t care glancing at it every now and then when driving although our wives and kids love using it as a vanity mirror. (Well, in this case, retain it, but make it longer and wider so that my wife doesn’t have to lift her chin at a level where everyone outside will see her nose hairs.)

Turn lever and signal lights. This will result to a huge saving in cost and a significant weight reduction once pulled out. We change lanes here without even caring to switch it on accordingly. And while you’re at it, please take out the brake lights in the process. We don’t give a damn if its bulb is busted or not anyway. Lastly, do not forget to include the reverse lamp. At least, your designers will now have one less problem with the car’s rear part.

Speedometer. Other than being distracted by that illuminated needle or digital display, we don’t read it and if ever, we don’t understand it. Take it from our jeepney and bus drivers, they work every day and none of them ever look at it. Now, that’s one less dashboard instrument. Nice, right?

Of course, if I suggested removing the parts stated above, I would like, however, some additions or enhancements for the following:

Fenders & Bumpers. Back here, we need re-enforced versions of these as we need to compete with our beloved jeepney and bus drivers as they weave in and out in front of us. If you can add seven more layers to the paint, that will be a big plus.

Suspension. We need you to make those rally-grade suspensions built-in into our stock cars. With the way our beloved politicians and public officials build roads, we should expect more and more roads similar to what Neil Armstrong saw when he landed on the moon. Which reminds me, if you can manufacture one with several wheels like the lunar module, that might sell like hot cakes as well.

Brakes. We love stop-and-go traffic scheme. Yes, I know. You probably haven’t heard or even experienced such excellent idea. It’s hard to explain as even our traffic enforcers themselves are clueless of what they’re doing but they seem to enjoy it every time. We also love sudden stops whenever our jeepney and bus driver friends find it fit to make use of that tiny gap to change lane during bumper to bumper traffic. Of course, how can I forget our barefooted motorcycle drivers who find those narrow space a chance to practice their slalom skills. Now isn’t that compelling enough to improve the stopping distance of these current brakes?

Horn. This is actually my personal request. If you can put a lifetime warranty for my horn, then I’d be your customer forever. I love using my horn second to my brakes.

I’m presenting you an opportunity here. If you’ve made JDM or USDM cars before for the Japanese and American market, respectively, I guess this request to specially build one for the Philippine market, isn’t too hard to handle. You can then call it PDM – even if it might mean Poor Driving Manners. Consider this a win-win scenario even if it clearly looks more in favor for your business – you take out five (5) parts, you modify only four (4). Please contact me if you have questions about this proposal. I’d love to be of help if you need further explanations or in case you are wondering if I can actually suggest more things to be removed and modified. Let’s talk about it over the phone. You can call me even while I’m driving.

Best Regards,

 Cris

***

Mood: 3/10 Honks! (My side mirror was hit by another car on my way home. Perfect!)

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